Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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