For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
