Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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