Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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