do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You can't motorboat a personality
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
