I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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