Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
