her vagine was all disorganized.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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