Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
