Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
