Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
