Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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