he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I AM VODKA MAN
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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