I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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