I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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