Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
