i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
