Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
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