Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
