I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
