I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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