She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
