We won't sleep together?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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