Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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