Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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