trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
