I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
