so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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