so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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