My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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