i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
