The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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