you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
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