Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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