My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think I sprained my soul last night
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
