I want to make a zoo with you.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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