wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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