The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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