theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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