She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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