i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
