At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
