We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Operation Purity has been aborted
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
