giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
