one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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