God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
