Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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