I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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