Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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