Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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