I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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