She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
