accomplished twins. life is a go
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
