I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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