Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
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Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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