maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
