I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
