Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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