just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
