her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The beer is more important than you right now.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
