Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
