when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
