You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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