I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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