I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
