apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize