guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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