Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
