Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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