I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
