Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I can't turn off my feet"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
