Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
