you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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