I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
