Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
