dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
