I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
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He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
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the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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