My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
