just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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