ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
