I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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