Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
