I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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