Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
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I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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