i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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