He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Alive.
So much puke
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
